A Rolling Stone Rebuttal


“Coffee is a basic right. Everybody should have free coffee.” – Jesse Myerson

Rolling Stone recently published an article titled Five Economic Reforms Millennials Should Be Fighting For that would be laughable if it weren’t trying to be so serious.  My favorite Facebook page, Being Classically Liberal (if you haven’t checked them out yet, you should), half-jokingly posted the article with the caption “Not the Onion” because the ideas in it are so outrageous it’s difficult to discern whether the author doped up on some of that Colorado weed before taking to his keyboard or it’s just a cleverly subdued satire piece.

Let’s break this down, piece by piece, starting with one of the early paragraphs:

Millennials have been especially hard-hit by the downturn, which is probably why so many people in this generation (like myself) regard capitalism with a level of suspicion that would have been unthinkable a decade ago. But that egalitarian impulse isn’t often accompanied by concrete proposals about how to get out of this catastrophe. Here are a few things we might want to start fighting for, pronto, if we want to grow old in a just, fair society, rather than the economic hellhole our parents have handed us.

Note the statistically ambiguous links that lean heavily toward “feelings” and belie the habit of leftists to seek intuition in place of logic and reasoning.  Also note the implication that “our parents” are to blame — this is basic psychological priming, and can be demonstrated with a simple basketball experiment (I’ll post an explanation below*).  Ignore it and let’s plunge into the ever-increasing stupidity of modern journalism:

1.  Guaranteed Work for Everybody

I can’t even begin to fathom what kind of mind would suggest this.  It hinges on the hypothesis that resources are NOT scarce, which is economic fallacy of the highest, most atrocious order.  It’s not until later that the ultimate goal is revealed:

The easiest and most direct solution is for the government to guarantee that everyone who wants to contribute productively to society is able to earn a decent living in the public sector.

Emphasis mine.  This is government expansion of the worst kind.  “We don’t have enough mind-controlled government zombies, so we should increase their number.  Ignorance is bliss, and if you’re aware of the impending economic collapse you should just apply for a government position and pretend it’ll be all right.”  The author conveniently forgets that government’s only revenues are taxes forcibly taken from producers.  “Work” is not the same as “production”, an essential fact of reality that liberals cannot wrap their heads around because they’re too busy painting murals on the walls of inner-city grocery stores (but not in the ghetto, just on the outskirts so they can pretend to be lower-class-friendly while remaining in the safer suburbs).

2.  Social Security for All

I love the opening line for this bullet point:  “But let’s think even bigger“.  Because you can only be as destructive as the size of the hole in your head where your brain should be.

Because as much as unemployment blows, so do jobs. What if people didn’t have to work to survive? Enter the jaw-droppingly simple idea of a universal basic income, in which the government would just add a sum sufficient for subsistence to everyone’s bank account every month.

Translation:  “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.”  You gotta love the “jobs blow” line written in the diction of a freshman Humanities major at an east coast party school.  So if Idea #1 doesn’t work, hey, we can all just quit working.  ‘Cuz it sucks, bro.  And the linked article’s suggestion that this idea may have connections to a libertarian philosophy is absolutely ludicrous.

3.  Take Back The Land

Ever noticed how much landlords blow? They don’t really do anything to earn their money.

And neither do Rolling Stone columnists, apparently.  Maybe we ought to scrutinize Jesse Myerson’s daily routine, eh?  How much work did you do while living it up at your animalistic Occupy Wall Street demonstrations?

It doesn’t matter how much you think it “blows” or how “stupid” you think it is, Mr. Myerson — the right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures SHALL NOT BE VIOLATED.  Even those meanie landlords who used their funds to purchase investment properties (typically at a higher APR, I might add — I work at a bank and see these rates on a daily basis).  Besides, Mr. Myerson, letting people keep what they’ve earned is just basic decency.  Theft is not.

4.  Make Everything Owned by Everybody

Take, for instance, the infamous one percent, whose ownership of the capital stock of this country leads to such horrific inequality.

Translation:  “I want their stuff.”

5.  A Public Bank in Every State

Oh, dear God.  Could you imagine?  The Federal Reserve isn’t messing up the economy enough, so we need 50 more running around favoring “too-big-to-fail” banks and distorting reserve rates and creating more housing bubbles and bursts.   This could be a decent idea if it were rephrased as such:  “Abolish the Federal Reserve and allow each state to decide if it would benefit from the establishment of a public bank.”  But nope, our Occupy buddy Mr. Myerson is just adopting the age-old liberal strategy of shooting from the hip first and assessing the damage later — then blaming free-market advocates for all the problems generated by leftist, big government “solutions”.

Mr. Myerson’s worldview is just another reminder that liberalism can only survive if it is encapsulated in a framework of policies that rejects liberalism.  Unfortunately, he’s not the only idiot out there writing for shallow entertainment journals like Rolling Stone, Salon.com, and MSNBC.


* The video asked how many times the white team passes the balls, priming you to only pay attention to the balls and not their surroundings.  Likewise, the author of the Rolling Stone article is distracting us with meaningless bits of trivia in the hopes that we won’t see him for the big furry monkey he is.


4 thoughts on “A Rolling Stone Rebuttal

  1. I actually can’t believe he is serious. What happens when everyone decides that working is overrated, and just sits back to collect the monthly deposit? I guess I’m just greedy for thinking like that, I’m sure doctors, farmers etc. would keep working just for fun to provide the rest of us with what we need. But I think he should have added a #6: Everyone deserves a pet unicorn (which would also reduce our carbon footprints if we ride them places).

    • Jeez, Joe. You need to just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Quit your job. Here, have a joint. It’ll calm you down. You’re too cynical, man. Let doctors worry about, y’know, doctoring. They’ll sell their unicorn if they need more money. 😉

  2. Pingback: Migration Habits of Parasitic Liberals | shiftthink

  3. Can’t understand why they haven’t added: “A partridge in a pear tree” to the wish list…I can offer an improvement however, to simplify matters:\Wit my improved version, only one item needs to be listed. It is, simply:
    1. Guarantee that everyone is born rich.

    Isn’t that simple? And it takes care of everything!

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